This week my Spanish classes has not consisted of the typical grammar and speach practice. Twice this week class has been replace by "cultural learning". I've gotten an earful of what the school the kids will attend is really like, found out that we will continue to buy more and more things through out the school year, C and I must attend parenting classes and PTA meeting or we can get a fine and it will effect part of the kids' grades . . . this is going to be quite an experience.
I am learning all about a part of town I haven't been to yet where all the Peruvians go to shop. I am hiring my friends house lady to bring me there on Saturday. It is a huge commercial area just east of el centro. Apparently if you wander too far off the main streets you are in a "red" area where all the drug sellers, addicts, prositutes and theives live. You can buy everything you could imagine over there - cheap too . . . .I am looking forward to going and glad someone will show me the places to go and not to go before I go there alone on Monday with the kids to buy black shoes for school.
Today we talked about this area some more . . the converation turned to the pain in peoples lives and how much culture and society won't change by legislation . . .the bad things in life like STDs, AIDS, Abortion, adultery, feeling unwanted and unloved, the feelings of worthlessness that lead to desperate behavior - these things can only change one person at a time, one heart at a time. As I sat in class chatting with Julio about all this I was overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness. I can't do anything about it. I have such a passion and heart to see families healthy and see marriages succeed and thrive - yet in the States where I speak the language and understand the culture I still have to sit by and watch as friends' marriages fall apart or exist in daily turmoil. There I know what to say (how to express my heart), I understand the problems (at least I can listen and understand as others share their hearts) . . .yet unless hearts are turned to God for truth and healing my words do nothing . . . I guess that should actually make me feel better - I am simply a tool used by God the results are not depended on me . . .but it seems daunting when I am here and I don't speak the language and I don't understand the culture (ie. .having a mistress is common place) . . .how does our/my being here change anything. I guess what I am realizing as I type is that I am powerless and always have been to change anything in the world around me - it is only God that has power. I am truly thankful for that truth, but it makes us being here all the more crazy.
God has a plan and it seems more unbelievable than ever and I see less and less clearly how we fit into the plan but I know we do . .so I guess we will have to wait and see what he does. We have fit perfectly and he has used us everywhere else we have gone so why would here be any different - the barriers of language and culture are nothing to God.
When I started typing I was a bit discouraged but now I am reminded that my hope is in Christ - everything good in me comes from him - every good thing in this world comes from him - all power in heaven and on Earth finds its source in him - through Christ all things are possible. I can love because he has loved me - I can trust him because he died to be with me - TRUE LOVE. His love casts out all fear - His love changes things with or with out me.
2 comments:
Amy, I can't tell you how many times I have had these same feelings. You are not alone friend! I think when we come to a different culture and learn a different language, we feel so helpless and see our huge need to rely on God to work in us and through us to reach others. It's really the same in our own culture/language it's just that we rely on our own competencies and abilities way too much instead of relying on the Lord. Praying for you guys!
Amy, I can't tell you how many times I have had these same feelings. You are not alone friend! I think when we come to a different culture and learn a different language, we feel so helpless and see our huge need to rely on God to work in us and through us to reach others. It's really the same in our own culture/language it's just that we rely on our own competencies and abilities way too much instead of relying on the Lord. Praying for you guys!
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