A Craving for the Bitter-sweet

I (Amy) had a great conversation the other night with a friend of ours in MI. We chatted about life : school, marriage, and blind dates; and God: church, sanctification, and justification; and what the christian life should really look like. It is easy for me to see what those last things are NOT supposed to look like - but to get a true handle on those things is not easy for me. I still carry with me a very warped view of my creator and of myself. I am thankful that God is more patient and faithful than I ever thought he could be. He has been revealing more and more of himself to me and more and more of my brokenness and need for him. I am captivated and impassioned by the God I am encountering. I feel like Lucy, having returned to Narnia, and she sees Aslan again - the more I know of God the bigger He gets.

Jason, a pastor friend in MI, wrote about unspoken prayer requests in his blog awhile back. Some of you my have never heard of such a practice - it is when you ask people to pray for you but you won't tell them what for. What other good does the church serve then to come along side those in pain and difficult circumstances and empathize and pray. How else will others know that they are not the only ones struggling with sin if no one ever talks about it? How will anyone be encouraged by tales of God's power if no one mentions the what he triumphed over?

"Unspeakable sins are bred by unspoken requests." - Jason

That statement speaks so loudly to my heart. I grew up with the idea that to follow God meant that you were perfect - at least in the way every one else in the church was "perfect" - bored, unhappy and righteous in your own strength. Hypocrisy and lies were all I saw - so many "unspoken" requests. I thought God didn't deal with the real matters of the heart and of life. I regret the amount of years I spent in the presence of good meaning "godly" people but knew nothing of God. The God who made me, loves me, knows my inner most thoughts and desires and died for me anyway. All 13 years of church, 3 times a week and no one ever told me that my creator chose to die than to live eternity with out me.

It breaks my heart to watch people go in and out of church buildings week after week pretending life is just grand - maybe the occasional prayer for a better job or "traveling mercies" (what exactly does that mean any way?). Church goers come in and feel the need to hide their imperfections and shortcomings from everyone else. They role play what they think others want to see. Everyone pretends - Everywhere. I'm not speaking of my local area. I am speaking of the American Christian culture in general. It doesn't make any sense. If we are all just fine and dandy then we have no need for a savior and that just makes us all a bunch of idiots for getting up early for no good reason on Sunday mornings.

I so long for a place where people can come in and take a load off - they can drop the facade of perfection and goodness. We are all sinners. We all struggle with life, love and relationships. Why are people so afraid to be real? I long for sincerity. I long for a community where people can openly share about there problems with family, spouses, finances, pornography, addictions . . . . and find help and encouragement - not condemnation. I find it so bitter-sweet when some one shares their struggles. Bitter because the reality is the person is hurting and it is a reminder that we all are broken people. Sweet because I now have the privilege of seeing God do something amazing in their life.